Samuel Abernathy

Origins

Very little is publicly known about Samuel Abernathy’s early years in the Plymouth Colony, and he speaks of them with a mix of pride and mild trauma.

What is known:
He arrived in Snowdrift Bay after being flung—literally and metaphysically—through the Spatial Vortex just outside town. One moment he was worrying about crops and communal piety; the next he was screaming through a shimmering doorway and landing in a pile of folding chairs, cranberry tarts, and David the balloon dog.
He rose to his feet, declared the town a “den of devilry,” and then promptly fainted.

When he awoke inside the Salty Kraken Tavern wrapped in a blanket and handed a mug of cider, he asked if he was in Heaven, Purgatory, or “a very flamboyant witch-dwelling.”
Brenda told him it was just Tuesday.
He has remained ever since.

Species

Samuel is, indisputably, a human pilgrim from the early 17th century.
He bristles at terms like “anachronistic arrival” and “historical stray.”

Samuel stands at about 5’9”, broad-shouldered and wiry from a lifetime of frontier hardship.
His hair and beard are a rich chestnut brown, grown thick but neatly kept. He wears traditional pilgrim attire:

  • a black doublet

  • buckled shoes

  • a tall, slightly battered pilgrim hat

  • a white collar he starches with zealous devotion

Despite the antiquated clothing, he moves with an earnest curiosity, eyes darting from object to object like he’s constantly cataloging new heresies.
He often carries a small leather notebook filled with observations like “the metal box heats food without flame???”

Personality

Samuel is polite, pious, and deeply earnest—yet also surprisingly adaptable and possessed of a dry, unintentional comedic presence.

He speaks in King James English even when ordering a burger.

He approaches modern life with equal parts fear, awe, and boldness. He loves:

  • learning

  • community

  • discovering new things

  • telling harrowing pioneer survival stories in deadpan monotone

He becomes flustered easily, but rebounds quickly.

As for his temporal displacement, he once told Yorn,
“I am no ghost nor fable. I am merely from yesteryear, displaced by forces unknown and yet strangely merciful.”

He is deeply confused by:

  • Electricity

  • Televisions

  • Scented candles

  • Buttons on microwaves

  • Potato chips

  • Nearly everything in Aphrodite’s shop

But he adapts with startling speed.
Some claim Samuel has a natural affinity for modern life. Others say he is too stubborn to let a little time displacement beat him.

Profession

Falling back on his ability to build structures out of nothing but ingenuity and optimism from his time in Plymouth Colony, Samuel has become Snowdrift Bay’s resident expert in all things construction. As such, he has become proprietor and operator of Abernathy Construction, the town’s go-to company for building homes, renovating businesses, and rehabilitating at least one exotic dance club (Samuel was mistakenly under the impression it was some sort of barn raising; “I thought the pole was structural.”)

Prior to this, he has experimented with several roles:

  • assistant librarian (scared of the barcode scanner)

  • part-time poet (accidentally too bleak)

  • tour guide (visitors cried)

  • culinary assistant (refused to use the microwave)

Notable Lore & Moments

The Vortex Arrival:
 Samuel’s dramatic tumble into Snowdrift Bay is still discussed as one of the funniest and most chaotic vortex events in years.

Open Mic Night Incident:
 He tried comedy and instead told traumatic frontier stories.
The crowd laughed hysterically.
He was utterly baffled.

The Root Beer Float Revelation:
 Samuel tasted a root beer float for the first time and declared it “a nectar of divine merriment.”
He tries one new dessert each week.

The Adaptation Surge:
 Within 72 hours of arrival he:

  • learned what slot machines were

  • binge-watched game shows

  • said “heck yeah” with perfect pronunciation

  • lectured someone on compound interest

The townsfolk remain both impressed and concerned.

Relationships

  • Brenda: Patiently explains modern customs and has gently coaxed a weeping Samuel from a coat closet after he first encountered a vacuum cleaner.

  • Philip: Listens politely to Samuel’s grim stories and did not get offended when Samuel would initially brandish a crucifix and scream prayers at him. Now they sometimes play tennis together.

  • Zephyrus: Finds Samuel’s confusion “refreshing” and was flattered by Samuel’s passionate, almost fanatical, appreciation for indoor plumbing,

  • Aphrodite: Finds him charming and occasionally flusters him. Mostly intentionally.

  • Yolanda: Collaborator on many of the town’s infrastructure projects. He has on numerous occasions prevented her from physically hurling Mayor Llama into the bay.

Quirks and Secrets

  • Writes down new slang but uses it incorrectly. (“This sandwich doth slap mightily.”)

  • Attempts to pray before using modern appliances.

  • Believes David may be “some manner of balloon spirit.”

  • Thinks flip-flops are a government trick.

  • Keeps trying to build a butter churn behind the tavern.

Likes and Interests

Favorite Beverage: Root beer float (holy beverage).
Favorite Cocktail: He refuses alcohol “unless medicinally required.”
Favorite Colors: Deep brown, oat, charcoal.
Favorite Desserts: Everything he tries becomes his new favorite.
Favorite Foods: Stews, breads, anything roasted.
Favorite Hobbies: Learning, note-taking, telling stories of hardship.
Favorite Ice Cream: Vanilla bean (“pure as the first snowfall”).
Favorite Movie Genres: Game shows, apparently.
Favorite Music: Folk ballads and anything with fiddle.
Favorite Part of Snowdrift Bay: “The strange glowing lanterns that burn without flame” (street lamps).
Favorite Sandwich: Turkey and stuffing.
Favorite Scent: Freshly baked bread.
Favorite Season: Autumn.
Favorite Sports: Tug-of-war (he is shockingly good).
Favorite Literature: Psalms and modern cookbooks.
Favorite TV Shows: The Price Is Right.