Poseidon

Overview

Poseidon—god of the sea, storms, horses, and exasperation—is the official divine overseer of Snowdrift Bay, though it’s not entirely clear why and he certainly never volunteered.

Bound to the town through some obscure clause in the Divine Bureaucracy’s jurisdictional paperwork, Poseidon must occasionally intervene, protect, or at least acknowledge Snowdrift Bay and its residents.

His appearances are rare, dramatic, and nearly always laced with irritation.
As he once bellowed during a fog advisory:

“I AM THE TIDAL WRATH OF ANCIENT LEGENDS—NOT YOUR WET WEATHER CONSULTANT.”

Appearance

Poseidon presents himself in classic, overwhelming style:

  • Towering, muscular, and beard flowing like storm foam

  • Clad in oceanic armor, barnacle-trimmed robes, or a toga soaked in rain

  • Carries a trident that sometimes doubles as a lightning rod, municipal pointer, or back scratcher

He often emerges:

  • From crashing waves

  • During massive storms

  • Or by kicking open a puddle dramatically

Despite his grandeur, he occasionally shows up in flip-flops and an annoyed expression.

Personality

Poseidon is:

  • Powerful, ancient, and deeply over it

  • Begrudgingly dutiful

  • Sarcastic, booming, and fond of eye rolls large enough to cause whirlpools

  • Surprisingly fair, but will smite for tone

He does care about Snowdrift Bay... in the same way a homeowner cares for a particularly dramatic raccoon that’s taken up residence in their attic.

Relationship to Snowdrift Bay

  • Official Role: Patron deity, per Subclause 14-G of the Forgotten Realms Coastal Protection Act

  • Unofficial Role: Crisis manager, divine deterrent, occasionally mistaken for a very enthusiastic theater director

Poseidon has:

  • Saved the town from demonic claimants

  • Disrupted zoning board meetings with saltwater geysers

  • Turned down several worship festivals, citing "cloying enthusiasm"

  • Zapped Whirly with divine lightning at least six times (a “mutual understanding” has been reached)

Notable Lore & Moments

  • The Devil v. Snowdrift Bay Incident:
     When the Devil tried to collect resident souls without jurisdiction, Poseidon intervened with a lightning bolt, a legal citation, and a strongly worded thunderclap. He also temporarily sacrificed Whirly. No one talks about it.

  • The Fish Rain Debate:
     A weather event caused by divine confusion. Poseidon insisted it wasn’t him. Later admitted it “might’ve been a sneeze.”

  • The Great Trident Mishap:
     Poseidon once accidentally left his trident in Llama Plaza after an angry departure. The townsfolk turned it into a maypole until he retrieved it with visible embarrassment.

Divine Bureaucracy

Poseidon’s connection to Snowdrift Bay is not voluntary, but enforced by the Divine Bureaucracy—a celestial organization that assigns deities to mortal territories based on criteria no one understands.

He has attempted to appeal the assignment at least five times. Each time, the appeal was denied on the grounds of “Narrative Richness.”

Quirks and Secrets

  • Keeps a binder labeled “Town Offenses (Petty but Satisfying)”

  • Occasionally attends town events in disguise (once won third place in a pie-eating contest as “Paul”)

  • Maintains a running tally of Mayor Llama’s infractions against logic

  • Sends dream-visions to Elara asking her to “talk to the others about being less themselves for five minutes, please”